Sex is a difficult topic to talk about for most couples. But, in order to have great sex, couples need to know how to communicate about sex. At the beginning of marriage, sex is usually great and there are no complaints. But, as the years pass, sex can wax and wane over time. One partner may have a higher sex drive than the other. The frequency of sex can decrease substantially from 2-3 times a week to once a month. Sex can become non-existent for years in many couples which can be so sad and distressing.
How does that happen in a marriage? How do couples let sex just disappear from your lives? It happens over time, and it happens because of a lack of communication about the problem. It also happens because over time spouses may start to feel more like roommates than sexual partners.
If you are stuck in a sexual rut, know you are not alone. Many couples experience this. It is possible to work through the rut together and avoid becoming a sexless marriage union. As a marriage counselor in Boca Raton, I work with many couples in counseling around this topic. Usually, I have to be the one to bring it up because so many couples are reluctant to talk about it.
If you think you are in a sexual rut, and not sure what to do about it. Here are some tips for you and your spouse to tackle this problem together.
- Communication: Communication is the key to have a healthy sex life together. Couples oftentimes don’t talk about sex so they drift apart and lose touch with what they need and want in their sexual relationship. It is important to address your concerns about the lack of sex and what you need and want from your partner. It might be hard at first to talk about sex but the more you talk about it, the easier it will become.
- Schedule Sex: You might be happy about this one but yes if sex has not been happening for a long time, you and your spouse need to schedule it. It is a myth that sex has to be spontaneous. Life gets busy with work, kids, and this stress can make you have less energy to initiate sex when you are tired and overwhelmed. By scheduling a date night with sex, you can mentally prepare yourself for it.
- Connect During the Day with Sexy Texts or Emails: Emotional connection leads to great sex so letting your partner know that you are thinking of them during the day can go a long way to leading to sex in the bedroom. Send your partner quick texts with, “I love you,” or emojis even that let them know how you feel.
- Don’t be afraid to tell your partner you want to spice things up and try new things together.
Sometimes, spouses are afraid to tell their partner what they want because they worry that their partner will not like it or get mad about it. It is important to explore ways to increase curiosity, playfulness, and excitement in your sex lives to get out of the sexual rut. Talk about your desires, what you like and don’t like with your partner, and find ways to make your sex more fun and exciting!
Sex is a topic that is uncomfortable for most people to talk about but if couples don’t talk about their sex life together, the problem gets worse over time. And in worst cases, the marriage can become a sexless marriage. It is possible to avoid this and get out of your sexual rut, by communicating together and coming up with a plan to improve your sex life. If you find that you are having a hard time making things better, then marriage counseling in Boca Raton at the Heart Connection Center can help you and your spouse get back on track. We have experienced therapists who can help you address this problem in a safe and warm atmosphere.
